Did you hear about the blind trapeze artist who caught his wife in the act?
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.
I called a psychic once. She asked who was on the line, so I hung up.
I used to be addicted to soap. I’m clean now.
When my Dad broke his wrist, he asked the doctor if he will be able to play the piano. When the doctor said he can he replied “Great, I couldn’t play it before”.
I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.
When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”, but when I do it, I’m “drunk” and get “kicked out of Bunnings”
I just got back from the zoo. I saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
My local newspaper is running a competition where you can win a holiday for you and a friend in Dubai. I was going to enter but I don’t have any friends in Dubai!
In the park today, I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
No matter what I do for the kids my wife is always finding fault with me. I bought my 2 year old daughter her very first jigsaw yesterday and as usual the wife went mental. Yelling and screaming something about her being to young for power tools.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory, just for taking a day off.
